Infancy...33 years old......Centarian- or How I Shat Myself Last Night...

Bom Dia Todos!

 

Ozell and I have been checking out some museums and the sites here in Sao Paulo the last few days.  We had a couple of Australians in our dorm room the last three days that made sleeping very comfortable since their smoking on the adjacent porch collected in the room and their refusal to leave on the air conditioning when they went to bed which made sweating impossible to avoid.  But now they are gone, and Ozell and I moved to the bunks closest to the air conditioner so I could claim dominion over it.  It is within my fiefdom now.  Lol

 

But in this post I wanted to chat about how I wasn't sure of my age last night.  It is a well known observation that we all shit ourselves while we are infants, and if we live to be old enough, we tend to shit ourselves again.  Well, I was born in 1975 and am 33 years old, but last night I shat myself. (I prefer the verb forms of:  to shit, shat, and had shat.  I just think they are fun to say.)  It was late in the evening around midnight.  I could feel feces forging their way through my large intestine and into my colon.  They even seemed to be in a particular hurry, but I did not heed their pleas for a rapid passing.

 

Because there were other travelers already sleeping in the room, I did not want to run to the bathroom to relieve my bowels only to have to open and close the door again to immediately grab my toothbrush and towel for my nightly cleaning rituals.  I think it is inconsiderate if someone doesn't make an effort to limit their disturbances to other roommates.  Since I am 33 and in good health, I thought I still had control of my sphincter and could effectively delay passage of the poo until I wanted.  I was wrong.  As I was bending down to grab my tooth brush and tooth paste out of my bag, my feces made a break for it.  Thankfully, the utter shock and surprise that ran up my spine -and down my butt cheeks- was enough to pucker my hole tighter than an Argentine woman's face (they have the most plastic surgery in the world), and I was able to limit the damage.  In fact, the damage was not extensive, but it was enough to officially qualify as shitting myself. 

 

After expelling the remaining excrement from my bowels in the proper receptacle in the bathroom, I proceeded to wash my underwear in the sink and with the hand soap provided.  No permanent harm done, and the whole episode gave me a chuckle as I wondered to myself whether I had regressed back into infancy or fast forward to 100 and the need for a colostomy bag.  Hahahahaha

 

It reminded me of the old childhood song from when I was six years old...Diarrhea Ummm Ummm (why this song took on a baseball setting, I am not sure)

 

As you are heading down to First, and you think your pants on goin' to burst...

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

As you are about to round Second, and you know you aren't goin' to make it...

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

As you are about to reach Third, and you feel a big turd...

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

And as you slide into Home, your pants turn into foam...

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

Diarrhea, Ummm Ummm

 

Or something like that.  My memory of the lyrics is a little shaky since I had not recalled that song since elementary school.  Heheheheh.

 

Cheers to you all!

 

Sean

(Oh, if you are wondering why I would post a blog about shitting myself which most people would consider embarrassing and keep to themselves like Ozell thought I should have done when I told him about it this morning, it's because I don't tend to get embarrassed.  I do tend to laugh really hard in a hyperventilating manner when I think about people reading about me shitting myself.  In other words, I wrote this post for my selfish enjoyment.)      ;)